Covenant Relationship

marriage post2

Although I had the greatest intentions to sit down and hash out a much overdue Keepin’ It Real Rewinds post, I’d like to share something that’s been on my heart the past couple of days.  Now let me warn you things that come out of my heart and onto the computer screen are not always communicated in the clearest fashion, so just hear me out for a few paragraphs as I dive into a very sensitive topic.

Lately I can hardly turn the corner without be asked to discuss the marriage of a well known reality mother.  While I have no intentions of blogging about their personal decisions, speculating their failures, or discussing the unknown details surrounding the destruction of a fellow family of multiples (whom I’ve never met), it has led to very thought provoking conversations on marriage and children.  And it has caused my heart to be heavy, not only for this particular family, but for those who are facing or who have faced the ugly scars of divorce.

No one walks down the aisle, adorned like a princess thinking, “I really hope this ends in divorce”. 

No one fathoms as they hold their swaddled newborn baby for the first time, “I wonder if I’ll have partial custody?” 

Of course not, but somewhere after the size 0-3 onesies have been boxed up (or perhaps before), marriage enters its own test of “reality”.  A reality that includes strains on communication, intimacy, attention, and time. 

Brad and I dated for 6 years (high school sweethearts) {insert awwwwws} before we wed.  We were the best of friends, we had spent an enormous amount of time together as a couple, we had completed counseling with our pastor, as well as prepared for marriage through an engaged couples class.  However, nothing could have completely prepared us for the stress of quadruplets on a marriage. Nor could the newlywed bliss compare with the deep respect that I have gained for my husband through the challenges of parenting. Marriage has been a journey. And it’s a journey I plan to continue for life. 

For Brad and I, divorce is not an option.  It’s not in our vocabulary.  We don’t even joke about it. We are in a covenant relationship.

However, do I think we are above the sins and mistakes that lead to divorce?  Absolutely not.  This is where I think many of us “Christians” have been fooled.  Our pride has deceived us from thinking it could happen to us. We’ve trusted ourselves as not weak enough to require accountability.  We’ve danced around the idea that marriage is loving your husband even when he leaves his socks on the floor, or when he squeezes the tube of toothpaste the wrong way. How many marriages have ended over socks or toothpaste, anyway?  I’m going out on a limb and saying very few.  Rather I think there are deeper issues that drive us to destroy a relationship (and the many others who lives are affected by our decisions).

Pride. Anger. Jealousy. Deceit. Discontentment. Selfishnessto name a handful.

And how quickly they can consume a marriage!

marriage post1

I am sure that I have just a small grasp of the true picture of a marriage covenant in the six short years we’ve been married. What I have experienced is that marriage is much more than saying  “I Do” in a stunning white gown. Instead, marriage is a series of “I Do(s)” 

I DO forgive you for hurting me.

I DO choose to overlook your flaws and concentrate on your goodness.

I DO respect you as my husband.

I DO take responsibility for my actions.

I DO choose to love you above my children. (And to quit feeling guilty for doing so…)

I DO commit to you today, as I promised on our wedding day.

I pray this has somehow encouraged you today.  Let me leave you with a few resources that can communicate Biblical marriage much better than I could ever articulate.  First start off with a Study Bible. (I recommend this one.) These are great scripture references on this topic: Ephesians 5:22-32, and I Peter 3:1-7.  A few books that would be encouraging resources would include: The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney, Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, and Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes.

I would love to keep this conversation going in the comment section of this post.  Let’s encourage one another!