Faith Over Feeling…
I’m so glad we don’t know all of the details of how things will go…
I’m thankful that God gives us just enough to not overwhelm us in the moment…
I’m ever grateful for the daily increments of grace needed for that day alone, not the entire road ahead.
Otherwise, we would surely sink.
If I would have known the physical struggle of this loss would be so long and grueling, I could not have faced it. We are 8 weeks well into this journey that I thought would last a week or two. We’ve been wrestling these past few days with patience, trust, faith, feelings, and being still while we are in this holding pattern of waiting. Feelings certainly swing and change with the wind. One minute I feel resolved and overwhelmed by grace, and the next I feel so weak with tears that burn my eyes, and blur my vision.
All the while, life goes on spinning – clothes need washed, meals need made, boys need cared for,work needs to be done. And sometimes life is a pleasant and welcomed distraction from physical pain and grief, but other times it seems like so much to give when there is so little in me that I feel like I can give.
Today there should be more answers and a plan, and that gives us hope, but how long will we continue to wait? How long will we have to continue to be vulnerable when friends ask us if things are better and have to say, “Not really.”?
“Lord, how long must I wait? Will you forget me forever? How long will you turn your face away from me? How long must I struggle with my thoughts? How long must my heart be sad day after day? How long will my enemies keep winning the battle over me? LORD my God, look at me and answer me. Give me new life, or I will die. Then my enemies will say, “We have beaten him.” They will be filled with joy when I die. But I trust in your faithful love. My heart is filled with joy because you will save me. I will sing to the Lord. He has been so good to me.” Psalm 13
I don’t know how long, and I don’t need to know. I just need to lean on His faithfulness today. One 24 hour increment. Our cup of grace will not run dry today, and we will wake up tomorrow for enough to face the day ahead.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34
Faith over feeling, regardless of circumstances. Sufficient grace upon grace, for each new morning. We will trust in His faithful love.
Thank you Jen, for this. I am in the trenches with you, just in very different circumstances. I see no end in sight to my circumstances, maybe only death one day. I need to stay focused only on today, and pray for the grace to withstand the flood, contentedly. I am so sorry you are going through extreme difficulties too. I read something last week that has stuck with me: “Hard is hard, but hard is not necessarily bad.” That has helped me to see Romans 8:28 a little more clearly. Praying for you and your precious family during this hard time.
Elizabeth, I am right there in the trenches with you. There won’t be any end other than what you stated. Jen, you are much younger than I ,but I have learned so much from you. My heart aches for you, but, as I write this I see that you are healing slowly, but surely. God bless you.
I loved this post! Thank you for sharing! Erin has really encouraged me to focus on 24 hours of grace to get through the day … sometimes thinking about 48 hours of grace is too overwhelming … hour by hour grace … something I am SO thankful for! Continuing to pray!
Well said “Oh good and faithful servant” – the “one day at a time” motto is mine, too. sometimes it’s just the only way. Godspeed.
Jen, my heart hurts with yours. I hope it comforts you to know you are not alone in your grief and pain. I wish we lived closer, I would love to help you in any way.
Continued prayer coming your way. And anything else you need, please ask.