The Many Seasons of Marriage
Life has seasons. Marriage has seasons.
Currently we are in a 70 degree, mostly-sunny season, but it hasn’t always been breezy.
Brad and I have had to watch several marriages around us crumble in the past few months. It’s so brutal and feels helpless to watch. The only thing we can really do is pray and be available, but it sometimes feels like not enough.
We certainly can’t speak of why their marriages didn’t withstand time and trials, but we know that it certainly makes an impact on our own.
It’s led us to good discussions and growth and I’m so thankful that we are in a very good season in our marriage of honesty and vulnerability with one another.
I think there’s an often fatal mistake we walk down the aisle with, and that’s the idea that the person waiting to wear that gold band is going to be that same exact person years down the road.
Brad is not the person I married.
And I am not the same person he promised to love, honor, and cherish until death.
We have both changed and our marriage has had to navigate through different seasons.
The one thing that hasn’t wavered in the winds of change has been our commitment to one another.
We know that “good marriages” have fallen apart, and it’s an eye-opening reality that our commitment has to remain active. The work is never over. The good times are not guaranteed.
We are often spectators of marriages that appear to be healthy from the outside. We laugh about putting the toilet paper roll on upside down and the toothpaste drama and act like those are the struggles each other’s marriages. We fail to recognize that not everyone is in the “spring” of marriage. We don’t get close enough to one another to know there are battles raging and hearts that are broken.
We recently lost a friend who’s marriage had been an example to us. His wife at the funeral spoke about the good season of marriage they were in and how they were investing in their marriage. What a poignant reminder that today is the day to build one another up.
Today is the day to speak kindly, to be gentle, to give the benefit of the doubt, to listen, to encourage, to go to battle for one another. Today I choose gratitude for the man my husband has become, not who he is not.
Marriage is a gift that I must choose to not take for granted.
Today I’m thanking God that He is who I look to for all my needs. He remains the same. He’s always faithful. He loves me in all seasons.
And I’m thankful that he’s given me a husband that hasn’t given up on me, who loves me in for better seasons and in for worse seasons.
There have been some very large hills to climb in our almost 13 years. Thanks for being patient when I was not in the mood to climb. Thanks for climbing when you don’t feel like it. I love you.
Great! So true. I feel like in our society, we’re all into marrying ‘the one’ and finding someone we can’t ‘live without’. It so bogus. Once we marry, it should be a daily and lifelong journey of continually bettering myself to be ‘ the one’ for my spouse not vice versa. I enjoy it when you update. 🙂
Very true! Nick and I vacillate between the seasons, mostly depending on if he’s home or not.
I just love your honesty and this topic. It is so true, especially with the pressures of family and kids, it is easy to grow apart and then back together with your spouse. It is a good conversation to have honestly with eachother, so that you are both aware, and trust that when you do grow apart, that you wil never leave and you will come back to each other always…
fyi, I am a twin mom and have 2 singletons in addition- and i love your blog! You are able to really be honest, and I really appreciate your writing and blogging about all the joys and challenges of parenting~thank you!
Even at this stage in my own marriage, 41 years, there are still struggles and growth. It is wonderful when Tom and I can smile and say we are proud of who our children have become and marvel at the depth of love and devotion they both show towards their spouses. But it takes two to make a strong marriage so keep working as a great team through all the seasons. Take time for each other. Love you