Thoughts From The Bedside of the NICU

July 11th, 2016

Hudson Bradley Murray came unexpectedly and eventfully on June 22 at 10:01 am. It’s been a complete whirlwind ever since, and we are just now trying to find a rhythm after his arrival. Hudson gave us a very scary and uncertain first 72 hours, and I’m still processing all that transpired in those first few days. I want to record it while it’s still fresh, and plan on doing so over the next week or so.

The good news is, after a 10 day Neonatal Intensive Care Unit stay, Hudson is home and doing very well. We were overjoyed to take this boy off the monitors and into the carseat for his ride home. The picture above is from his discharge day July 1st! 

His beginning of life put so much into perspective for us, and continues to teach us. God has been so faithful as the Giver, Healer, and Sustainer of life! We give Him the glory for preserving Hudson’s life and choosing to allow us to bring him home.

Here’s some of Brad’s thoughts written a few days into Hudson’s life, written from his bedside in the NICU.  I’ll be sharing more of his birth story in upcoming posts. 

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Thoughts from the NICU at 11pm (Tuesday, June 28, 2016): 

I’m watching my 6 day old son’s chest rise and fall in the midst of beeps, dings, and tones mingled with preemie baby cries from all around the room.  Just three days ago I was forced to recognize the reality that Hudson Bradley Murray’s future was far from certain.  Would he come home with us?  Would the ever mounting list of problems finally stop? Would he ever turn the corner? 

As Jen and I were dealing with the surprise delivery and even greater surprise of intensive care, we were again reminded that all of our lives are not far from the edge of death.  We are foolish to think that we’re in control.  As many amazing doctors, nurses, and miraculous medical technologies as we have been blessed with, they are mere tools to slow or stop the progression of disease, prematurity, and any other health issues.  Ultimately, as Hudson progressively got worse, they began using these tools, but sometimes it’s not enough.  These nurses and doctors will be the first to tell you that they are limited, and sometimes nothing they try works.  Sometimes very simple problems become huge unexpected issues, other times seemingly insurmountable problems are overcome through these interventions.  The bottom line seems to be the fact that our God continues to decide matters of life and death, even in the 21st century when technology gives us other illusions.

While this truth can at first be disarming because it reveals our lack of power, we have also found great comfort in it.  There is no small detail or mistake that is going to take the life of our child before God intends.  There is peace in knowing that while God makes no promises about the length of any of our lives, we can trust Hudson to his care.

As we now with hope, look forward to Hudson’s joyful homecoming, I’ll take with me the knowledge that our lives here are temporary and and brief.  I think this fresh reminder of truth will truly shape how our family lives as the 7 of us move forward. 

As we will continue to seek wisdom, we will live life without fear.  Fear of injuries to our kids.  Fear of illness and death.  Fear of financial future.  These things are all in the hands of our Sovereign Creator.  And for those of us committed to his kingdom, this is truly not our home.

~ Brad Murray