Turns Out I’m An Armadillo In Real Life.
I thought I was at least part human, but turns out I’m pure Armadillo.
According to Wikipedia:
“the Giant Armadillo grows up to 1.5 m (5 ft) and weighs 59 kg (130 lbs)”
“In the United States, the sole resident armadillo is the Nine-banded Armadillo (Dasypus novemcinctus), which is most common in the central southernmost states, particularly Texas. Their range is as far east as South Carolina and Florida and as far north as Nebraska; they have been consistently expanding their range over the last century due to a lack of natural predators and have been found as far north as Illinois, INDIANA, and southern Ontario.”
They’ve spotted me.
“Armadillos have poor vision.”
“When threatened by a predator, Tolypeutes species frequently roll up into a ball.”
“Armadillos have short legs but can move quite quickly”
Quite. Thank you.
“…it inflates its stomach and intestines with air”
It appears so.
“Armadillos are solitary animals that do not share their burrows with other adults.”
So what are they calling my husband?
But here’s the REAL kicker:
“Armadillos have FOUR BABIES at a time and they are always the SAME SEX.” (According to Snapple Real Fact #745)
Good Grief! Seems I’m destined to become Road Kill!
Until we meet on the side of the road,
PS Thanks to my friend Julie, for passing along her Snapple cap to inspire this post!